JOY IS IN THE SIMPLE THINGS

Joy is in the simple things: touching,
Embracing, chattering on for hours about nothing,
Sure of your place within another’s heart.
Simple things: like coming home knowing
Exactly where the treasure lies; like being
At ease with what you do and who you are;
Needing what you already have; accepting,
Desiring what you have been given; feeling
The gratitude of someone who is loved;
Investing goodness instead of money; giving
For the pleasure of giving pleasure; seeing
Fortune come to take you in its arms.
All this joy is yours for the price of loving,
Not only well but long, days of willing,
Years and years of wise and patient love.

Unknown

Because of you I am

Because of you …

I am!

 

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MARRIAGE

 

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Kimmies Floral

Relativity

twin-flame-soulmates

What is of value to someone, differs from persons to person. And so does what is valuable.

What one person regards as a means to and end, could be regarded by another as a gift.

Such was my experience for the past six years until it abruptly came to and end when I stopped working in the same place and at the same employer as my husband did.

And when I reflect on those times gone by, I realise that so often I took those very minutes and hours for granted. How often it was laden  with tension and anger and only in retrospect do I realise how precious moments were wasted on irrelevant, unnecessary  and non-sensical issues.

So special were those moments.

for those were the times we discussed our lives together.

Our children and agreed upon discipline measures; future plans and dreams we have for them.

Where we planned birthday gifts and parties. Where we celebrated their achievements and relished our feelings of pride.

We would speak about our relationship, the feelings we for each other and about each other.

We would speak about our dreams and wishes as husband and wife. About what we would like to acquire. About how we plan to realise our dreams.

We would speak about siblings and friends and family. About neighbours, acquaintances and community members.

We would  have in-depth discussions about news, topical issues and religious issues.

We would relay funny or fascinating and sometimes shocking stories about our day.

And through these interaction between the two of us, we would get to know the people whom we share our day with, without ever meeting them face to face. We would bring each other into each of our daily lives even when we are not together.

But there were also times of silence due to being absolutely tired after a difficult or gruelling day.

And even in those silent  moments, minutes and hours, we would simply relish and bathe in each others presence that is enveloped in an unspoken, but unmistaken love that is prevalent between us.

A love that does not need words to express feelings, thoughts, wishes,dreams and desires.

A love that lives in both of us and merge us into a single entity only a few experience in their life times.

A love that transcends our physical being, our cognisant consciousness and our emotional being.

Because this love we share does not live in a known space or a visible place.

But rather in that which no one  has access to except for our creator and ourselves.

Our souls…

Intertwined, interweaved, fused, and melted into a single unit that shares what can never be shared, felt, experienced or possessed by another.

For it is ours to cherish.

Ours to appreciate.

Ours alone.

Soul mates….forever.

 

So appreciate every waking and not so awake moment with that one person who shares that special space with you.  It can easily just not be there anymore….

Listen to the song

Reflection brings perspective and clarity.

But also points you to where you gone wrong and how different actions could have led to different outcomes.

You realise that in some some battles the casualties are far too great to justify the fight.

 You realise that you are combatant in an endless and waisted conflict that is not worthy of being pursued.

And that you are wasting precious resources on a futile and waisted effort.

Why not rather focus on the small battles won and forget about the raging war and the constant hope of the spoils it might render.

However, it’s easier said than done.

I think at the risk of sounding like I know, I am of the opinion that the very energy used to constantly engage in wasted fighting should be utilised in moving towards that which is positive and focus on the gifts you have in your life and in recognising them and appreciating them, more joy and happiness will fill your world and the people who shares it with you.

 So go on!

Follow the song in your heart and forget the noise in your mind that is keeping you on the battlefield and is bogging you down.

Naz

1000001 reasons why I love him

I love him… unequivocally, undeniably, irrevocably and with an unadulterated honesty, purity and passion. He is my sunrise, my star in the dark, the silver lining of my clouds, my warmth against the cold. 

  1. I love him when he works.
  2. I love him when he cooks.
  3. I love him when he plays.
  4. I love him when he laughs.
  5. I love him when he makes me laugh.
  6. I love him when he is funny.
  7. I love him when he smiles.
  8. I love him when he cries.
  9. I love him when he is happy.
  10. I love him when he is sad.
  11. I love him when he looks at our children.
  12. I love him when he nurtures our daughter.
  13. I love him when he respects our sons.
  14. I love him when he drops everything for his mother.
  15. I love him when he defends my mother.
  16. I love him when he without any thought come to the aid of my sisters.
  17.  I love him when he plays with her son.
  18. I love him when he loves her.
  19. I love him when he is concerned for her.
  20. I love him when he cares for her.
  21. I love him when he looks at me. The look in his eyes says: He loves me.
  22. I love him when he says my name. 
  23. I love him when he guides me into the door by gently placing his hand in the curve of my back.
  24. I love him when he puts his hands on my hips to move pass me.
  25.  I love him when he places his hand on my knee while we driving.
  26. I love him when he gently touches my leg or caresses my feet.
  27. I love him when he kisses on my forehead.
  28. I love him when he kisses me in the nape of my neck.
  29. I love him when he kisses me on the top of my head.
  30. I love him when I’m lying with my head on his shoulder.
  31. I love him when he understands the invisible love messages I write with my fingernail on his chest.
  32. I love him when he takes interest in what makes me happy and brings me joy.
  33. I love him when he gently wipes away my tears with a single finger.
  34. I love him when he holds me in the crook of his arm to make feel better when I’m sad.
  35. I love him when he makes me feel that everything will be alright cause he is around.
  36. I love him when he makes me feel like forever is a reality.
  37. I love him when he kisses the palm of my hand.
  38. I love him when he kisses me on my nose.
  39. I love him when he sigh as I kiss his chest.
  40. I love him when he looks into my eyes as if to read my soul.
  41. I love him when he gently touches my cheek or cups my chin.
  42. I love him when he holds me close and strokes my hair as if to sooth any pain away.
  43. I love him when he plays with my hair.
  44. I love him when he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the universe.
  45. I love him when he gets  possessive and protective at the slightest glimmer of discomfort pointing in my direction.
  46. I love him when his concern for me is more important than anything else.
  47. I love him when he rhythmically snores while I watch him sleep.
  48. I love him when I feel his warmth next to me.
  49. I love him when he reaches for me in his sleep.
  50. I love him when his feet search for mine when we sleeping
  51. I love him when he pulls me close in the morning.
  52. I love the warmth of his breath upon my face.
  53. I love the sweet smell of his breath as he whispers in my ear.
  54. I love him when he notices and appreciates when I look good.
  55. I love him when he knows I have dressed up for him.
  56. I love when he glows with pride other men shows interest in me or people comment on my appearance.
  57. I love when he stares at me with awe and appreciation.
  58. I love him when he says he loves me.
  59. I love him when he wants to do for me.
  60. I love him when he chuckles at my antics.
  61. I love him when he always forgives all my disasters.
  62. I love him when he always fixes my mistakes.
  63. I love him when he gives me clarity and perspective when I feel utterly lost and confused.
  64. I love him when he holds my when everything seem dark and scary.
  65. I love him when he looks at me with pride.
  66. I love him when he encourages me to do the right thing even though he knows I might get angry.
  67. I love him when he encourages me to be the best I can be.
  68. I love him when he carries me when I cannot on my own.
  69. I love him when he subtly pushes me when I am ready to give up.
  70. I love him when he has more faith in me than I have in myself.
  71. I love him when he gets angry when women get hurt.
  72. I love him when he hides his troubles from me.
  73. I love him when he gets enjoyment out of my enjoyment.

I love him for a million reasons more.

But most of all

  71.    I  love him …  for ALLOWING me to love him.

How much do I love him?

“Multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever  and you’ll still have barely a glimpse  of what I am talking about.” Meet Joe Black

Insanity or devinity

It is now close to six months ago when I took a crazy leap into the unknown. My only companion being faith, trust and a love I believed in. The words, -”Why don’t you marry her?”- felt like a stranger violating my speech and abusing my voice  to manipulate an emotion filled situation.  What was I to do; think? It had to be a divine intervention. What other explanation can be ascribed when a sane, normal and happily married woman suggests that her husband of almost two decades, marry another woman? Have I lost it or was there a bigger hand at play here. In my defense I have to declare that the woman I proposed my husband to marry was my best friend.

After lengthy discussions between two, three and two, we came to  the conclusion that this is what we wanted. I coached, guided, advised my husband how to court his soon to be new bride. His courting skills  rusty, forgotten and awkward. Step by step I did it. The sweet worded sms. The well-timed phone call. The odd bunch of flowers. And constant reminders of sweet words, appropriate compliments and  romantic and sweet actions to enhance and help blossom this new and growing love. All the while being an onlooker on something beautiful between two people I love dearly and deeply. I could see the love blossoming. My husband smiling, whispering and missing his new love. The excitement in his eyes at the thought of seeing her; the sweetness in his voice when he spoke to her. I step aside. I make space for them. This is a good thing. My friend is glowing, she seem happy for the first time. I knew he would be the right person to heal her wounds and take away her pain. I see her growing into a bold and daring butterfly. Only remnants of  the once fearful person she was is still visible from time to time. I did good. I got those I love to love even more.