Back to the future…

 

1-forward-2-back

Yesterday therapy was painful. After lots of honesty and candid talking, the conclusion came as such a shock. Old label replaced with new. But not just one but two.
Regression is evident. Tablets are to be reviewed and adjusted. Now again will be discomfort, anxiety, headaches, insomnia and irritation. I feel like my world is crumbling to my feet right before my eyes. More anxiety for the family. More for hubby to have to deal with. I hate bi-polar 2.
But I hate my two new enemies even more.
Bi-polar 1 and BPD absolutely positively and passionately

 HATE and DESPISE you!

On days like This

Today was one of those strange days. One of those days when I feel completely quiet inside, but not numb.

When i feel gentle and peaceful. Vulnerable and  fragile. Yet restless at the same time.

And this lull that is radiating from the pit of my stomach meanders on an endless and mindless path back and forth between my mind and heart.

On days like this silence is my best friend yet loneliness forces unwanted company.

So in a nutshell I have not been able to, in all of these years,  understand or define this strange feeling.

What hand long been apparent however, is that this undefined feeling  brings structure to my internal chaos, inspire my creativity and cultivates my productivity.

But all of the above feelings. thoughts and observations are dwarfed by something much more intense.

On days like this I feel like crawling under my husbands skin and resting my head under his heart.

On days like this I feel a closeness to him unlike anything I can describe in words.

On days like this I miss my darling so much, that it hurts.

On days like this I realise…

I am blessed.

inner-peace

surviving life

In the times that we live we are constantly bombarded by ideals of  tolerance and forgiveness

And yes, in a perfect world everybody will be naturally caring,loving, forgiving and tolerant. But being  forgiving and tolerant is not allotted to everyone.

Some of us need immediate retribution as means to instant gratification and  an immense desire to prove the guilt of another.

But the human species is adjustable,  dynamic and resilient.We are able shift and change and adapt as needed.

We can put  our happy face on at any time, despite what or how we may feel inside.

surviving life

We can…

Be Brave when needed

Be cautious when needed

Be reckless when needed

Take chances when needed

Be gentle when needed

Be strong when needed

Cry bitterly when needed

Laugh hysterically when needed

Be humble when needed

Be proud when needed

Be sad when needed

Be happy when needed

Be kind when needed

Be harsh when needed

Be quiet when needed

Be silent when needed

Make our voice heard when needed

Be critical when needed

Believe when needed

Trust when needed

Have faith needed

Question when needed

Introspect when needed

And all this is needed

To…

Surviving Life