Today was one of those strange days. One of those days when I feel completely quiet inside, but not numb.
When i feel gentle and peaceful. Vulnerable and fragile. Yet restless at the same time.
And this lull that is radiating from the pit of my stomach meanders on an endless and mindless path back and forth between my mind and heart.
On days like this silence is my best friend yet loneliness forces unwanted company.
So in a nutshell I have not been able to, in all of these years, understand or define this strange feeling.
What hand long been apparent however, is that this undefined feeling brings structure to my internal chaos, inspire my creativity and cultivates my productivity.
But all of the above feelings. thoughts and observations are dwarfed by something much more intense.
On days like this I feel like crawling under my husbands skin and resting my head under his heart.
On days like this I feel a closeness to him unlike anything I can describe in words.
On days like this I miss my darling so much, that it hurts.
On days like this I realise…
I am blessed.
Reflection brings perspective and clarity.
But also points you to where you gone wrong and how different actions could have led to different outcomes.
You realise that in some some battles the casualties are far too great to justify the fight.
You realise that you are combatant in an endless and waisted conflict that is not worthy of being pursued.
And that you are wasting precious resources on a futile and waisted effort.
Why not rather focus on the small battles won and forget about the raging war and the constant hope of the spoils it might render.
However, it’s easier said than done.
I think at the risk of sounding like I know, I am of the opinion that the very energy used to constantly engage in wasted fighting should be utilised in moving towards that which is positive and focus on the gifts you have in your life and in recognising them and appreciating them, more joy and happiness will fill your world and the people who shares it with you.
So go on!
Follow the song in your heart and forget the noise in your mind that is keeping you on the battlefield and is bogging you down.
I have been wanting to share my story with others for a long time. But a mixture of fear or judgement, respect of privacy and a general disdain for the new, stopped me from plunging into the world of blogging. So let this now serve as my first entry!!! However in order for me to start telling my story, I will have to backtrack six months, maybe even eight months. But that will commence with my next entry…
I am defying GRAVITY!!!