Illusive Sandman

Sleep wont come. Lying here alone with my thoughts, my feelings. Tv brings no solace. The loneliness is consuming. I reached out. But law destiny derailed my efforts once again. Dont have the courage to reach out more directly.

The loneliness is like cold gripping vindictive grip around my heart. Squeezing tighter and tighter. Morning must come soon. Hurry!

Every morning…

Living under a cloud of doubt is very discontenting and unpleasant. But much as I hate it, I now find myself in that very position. Stuck between hell and no-man’s land.
The future is generally and naturally uncertain and can be a very scary prospect.
But what do we deem as the future. Tomorrow? Two days from now? Next week? Next month? Next year? Or five years from now?

But what to do if the future you fear is what the next hour holds or the next day you wake up to.
What do you do if the fear grips you with a cold vengeance and a merciless vigour. When you not even sure if things will improve.
When you see no potential and no prospects.
What do you do if your body becomes your primary enemy and bombards your soul with angry bouts of anxiety that prevents you from functionality and effectivity.

Hopelessness and despair sets in.
Faith falters.
Fear returns.
And so it starts all over again. Over and over…

Trust and insecurity

How do i overcome my trust issues. Maybe I should first define and these issues.
And more importantly establish if they are indeed issues or is it my insecurity and past protectivity that is creating mirages in my mind.


In really scared to even venture down that route. Because if there issues prove to be real, I will have to either address them and/or confront them head on. If they are indeed figments of my imagination, then I will have to admit to myself that I am indeed even lost to myself.