Sleep wont come. Lying here alone with my thoughts, my feelings. Tv brings no solace. The loneliness is consuming. I reached out. But law destiny derailed my efforts once again. Dont have the courage to reach out more directly.
The loneliness is like cold gripping vindictive grip around my heart. Squeezing tighter and tighter. Morning must come soon. Hurry!
Living under a cloud of doubt is very discontenting and unpleasant. But much as I hate it, I now find myself in that very position. Stuck between hell and no-man’s land.
The future is generally and naturally uncertain and can be a very scary prospect.
But what do we deem as the future. Tomorrow? Two days from now? Next week? Next month? Next year? Or five years from now?
But what to do if the future you fear is what the next hour holds or the next day you wake up to.
What do you do if the fear grips you with a cold vengeance and a merciless vigour. When you not even sure if things will improve.
When you see no potential and no prospects.
What do you do if your body becomes your primary enemy and bombards your soul with angry bouts of anxiety that prevents you from functionality and effectivity.
Hopelessness and despair sets in.
And so it starts all over again. Over and over…