On days like This

Today was one of those strange days. One of those days when I feel completely quiet inside, but not numb.

When i feel gentle and peaceful. Vulnerable and  fragile. Yet restless at the same time.

And this lull that is radiating from the pit of my stomach meanders on an endless and mindless path back and forth between my mind and heart.

On days like this silence is my best friend yet loneliness forces unwanted company.

So in a nutshell I have not been able to, in all of these years,  understand or define this strange feeling.

What hand long been apparent however, is that this undefined feeling  brings structure to my internal chaos, inspire my creativity and cultivates my productivity.

But all of the above feelings. thoughts and observations are dwarfed by something much more intense.

On days like this I feel like crawling under my husbands skin and resting my head under his heart.

On days like this I feel a closeness to him unlike anything I can describe in words.

On days like this I miss my darling so much, that it hurts.

On days like this I realise…

I am blessed.

inner-peace

The gift That Keeps on Giving

its that time again

for me at least

to reflect on years gone by

of all the time we have been together

all the things we have shared

When I say we, I mean hubby and I

it is his birthday

and always a special time

as i can then splurge on him without him reprimanding me

 

i also then reflect on all the gifts he has and is bringing into my life

So much love, laughter, joy and another bazillion beautiful and fantastic things I have been privileged to share with him

And then I remember all the times when i wished and wanted for things I thought  I deserved or had the right to have

and how often i forgot that he is giving his all

which means there is no more to give if he is giving all that he has to give

so I guess it is my birthday everyday

simply because of the wonderful and fabulous  gift I get each day; everyday

the love of my husband.

And thank you for making me feel valued, loved and cared for.

Thank yo9u for having shared the last nineteen birthdays with me

 

Love you My Sweets

From your one and only…Koeks

 

love_forever

Another one bites the dust

Another one bites the dust.

 The dying breath of 2010 after a long, painful but brave and courageous battle.

But despite all the obstacles it most certainly feels to drawing to a close on a maybe not high but positive note.

 At least where it matters.

Once again love not only survived but also conquered all.

This year I lost much.

Sacrificed much and had to to make huge paradigm shifts and massively had to adjust my view of what my life should be and would be like looking forward.

 But above all so much have been gained this year.

 Our family grew with an additional wife and mother and our brood grew in the form of a well spoken, eloquent, toothless but absolutely adorable son.

And after some discomfort, major adjustment we are now all fully integrated and happy.