The Road Not Taken

The other day I read a poem by Robert Frost called “The road not taken” and for a bit I was somewhat confused. Could it be that when I wrote the poem down form the textbook, that I made an error in the title. Should it not be “The Road To Take”? But after checking, it was indeed the “the Road Not Taken”.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-by Robert Frost

In  this poem the poet finds himself at a fork in the road and has to choose which road to take. One road looked well worn by traffic while the second road appeared to be unscathed by traffic as it is covered in green grass with no trace of leaves trampled and rotting. He weighs his options and decide to choose the green road not being sure what influenced his choice. But in an effort to sooth his guilt of choosing the one road over the other, he promises himself that one day in the future he will return to take the other road. But in his heart he knows every road takes you away from another road, but leads you to another and so each new road you take not only takes you to a new road but also takes you father away from the road you did not choose. But as much as you accept the road you took and the journey it took you on, you will always wonder what the road you did not take would have brought you, where it would’ve taken you and what opportunities you missed because of not taking that road.

And as usual messages from my creator comes in different and sometimes strange ways. Because today I find myself exactly at a crossroad. A fork in the road with both options unknown to me. One seems to be a safe choice because it seems well travelled, the other green and unscathed by the footsteps of life.

So what do I choose…which road do I take?

 

Never before in my life have I felt so lost; so ungrounded. It feels as though my life lies shattered at my feet. Broken in so many pieces that it appears an impossibility to fix. Many of the shards left so sharp, that any attempt to reach for it result in f injury. Some pieces are so small that any attempt for fix it will be futile. And so I stand here with a sense of hopelessness not even knowing where to start to glue the remaining saveable shards back together again. And then added to that I still find myself standing at a fork in the road, not knowing which is the best one to choose,

So what does these two roads offer?

Road one…..

is the one that is familiar albeit destructive. The one that is known because of past experience, faith and the illusion that things will always be ok again but in reality laced with pain and sadness.

Or

take the new untraveled, unscathed road. Terrifying for fear of the unfamiliar and unknown, yet exciting with the promise of  hope and the new.

A cross-road indeed.

Much to ponder/

Personal, Private or Petty?

We so often use to term, ‘Its personal’. But what exactly does that mean.

If you having trouble in your life it is regarded as personal, but only to strangers. For those we allow within our emotional space are sometimes privy to things regarded as personal.

Sentimental items are regarded as personal as it only has meaning to you.

Your being, your very person. That is regarded as personal.

Underwear. That is regarded as personal, especially to men who are not your spouse.

Cosmetics and toiletries are personal because it is used on your body, your person.

Your own space, like your bedroom or your home are also personal.So I can go on and on.

Yes all these things are personal, but they are just as personal as the people you allow within that realm.Your bedroom will be private, but that privacy will be shared by a roommate or spouse.Your underwear will be private accept for those you decide are privy to that part of you. And so you will then decide the level of privacy you will ascribe to each situation.

But then there are  instances that  is  totally personal, without any question, such as your relationship with your husband.  However in my case even that space is often a shared space as my sister-wife is an integral part of my personal space.So my sense of privacy is much different to that of others. My boundaries are completely different. My life a shared space.

 

However, there are certain spheres of my life that to me is sacred and of which I am very territorial and possessive.

1. My own thoughts and feelings are mine and no one is privy to it unless I choose to disclose and share.

 

2. My children are also exclusively mine. The only world I need not share with anyone other than their father. Anyone else, will only be allowed at my discretion and on my decision.

 

Simply because I know how it feels to share the unshareble.

Sacrifice the unthinkable and adapt to the impossible.

To have traded previous plans, dreams and aspirations for new and unknown ones.

 

To have to shift your entire existence and plunge feet first into what sometimes feel like an abyss. An abyss where you walk in blindly trusting that as scary as the darkness seems, it will lead you to a place of  beauty, peace, calm and contentment.

So in the light of this bold and brave leap, is it unreasonable to want to keep some spheres untouched and uncompromised. Not all the time, but indeed some of the time.

Am I petty and pathetic to feel that my children and my relationship with them should remain sacred, untouched and uncompromised.

Am I desperately trying to hold on to the last frontier.

Or do I have just cause to expect that one sphere remain unchanged and grow with ME, around ME and toward ME.

Can I regard my children to be mine and private?

Just asking …