Personal, Private or Petty?

We so often use to term, ‘Its personal’. But what exactly does that mean.

If you having trouble in your life it is regarded as personal, but only to strangers. For those we allow within our emotional space are sometimes privy to things regarded as personal.

Sentimental items are regarded as personal as it only has meaning to you.

Your being, your very person. That is regarded as personal.

Underwear. That is regarded as personal, especially to men who are not your spouse.

Cosmetics and toiletries are personal because it is used on your body, your person.

Your own space, like your bedroom or your home are also personal.So I can go on and on.

Yes all these things are personal, but they are just as personal as the people you allow within that realm.Your bedroom will be private, but that privacy will be shared by a roommate or spouse.Your underwear will be private accept for those you decide are privy to that part of you. And so you will then decide the level of privacy you will ascribe to each situation.

But then there are  instances that  is  totally personal, without any question, such as your relationship with your husband.  However in my case even that space is often a shared space as my sister-wife is an integral part of my personal space.So my sense of privacy is much different to that of others. My boundaries are completely different. My life a shared space.

 

However, there are certain spheres of my life that to me is sacred and of which I am very territorial and possessive.

1. My own thoughts and feelings are mine and no one is privy to it unless I choose to disclose and share.

 

2. My children are also exclusively mine. The only world I need not share with anyone other than their father. Anyone else, will only be allowed at my discretion and on my decision.

 

Simply because I know how it feels to share the unshareble.

Sacrifice the unthinkable and adapt to the impossible.

To have traded previous plans, dreams and aspirations for new and unknown ones.

 

To have to shift your entire existence and plunge feet first into what sometimes feel like an abyss. An abyss where you walk in blindly trusting that as scary as the darkness seems, it will lead you to a place of  beauty, peace, calm and contentment.

So in the light of this bold and brave leap, is it unreasonable to want to keep some spheres untouched and uncompromised. Not all the time, but indeed some of the time.

Am I petty and pathetic to feel that my children and my relationship with them should remain sacred, untouched and uncompromised.

Am I desperately trying to hold on to the last frontier.

Or do I have just cause to expect that one sphere remain unchanged and grow with ME, around ME and toward ME.

Can I regard my children to be mine and private?

Just asking …

Rollercoaster

 

For years we have been on is this rollercoaster. This way, that way, up then down, good then bad. A very tiresome life indeed.

 

And through all this time love was the constant. Didn’t matter what life or rather me, dished up, love made you hold on. Love made you have faith. Love made you support. Love made you believe and Love made you forgive.

 

 

But I also love. I also love much and deeply.

So when you hurt, I hurt.

 And I am the one inflicting or causing the pain (directly or indirectly).

 

I then in turn I hurt and overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and despair. The pain I see in your eyes stabs through me like the edge of a serrated knife tearing through the flesh of my heart.

And I have tried over time to not be the antagonist but seem to easily revert to that side of me as soon as I am with my back against the wall. Fearing what will happen this time. how will I mess up this time. Who will I hurt this time.

So tired of my own unkept promises.

So tired of dissappointing myself.

I am tired of breaking myself down.

So tired of feeling pain.

So tired of causing pain.

So tired of feeling like I can finally be happy.

But mostly,

Iam tired of seeing pain in your eyes

Unhappiness n your eyes.

I’m sorry…

But even those words must sound so hollow by now…

Helping Hands, Pseudo Sickness,Veiled Vicinity

Dealing with life is different for each each person uses their own tools and skills they have acquired over time. And how we deal with joy and adversity is also totally subject to the background and coping mechanisms of that specific individual.

 

However adversity rather than joy has the strange way of regressing the individual to that childhood place of when we experienced discomfort, and then we respond to this negative emotion in an almost childlike manner. And that very thing we desired as a child, be it love, affection, comfort or acknowledgement then becomes a primary objective. And because of the primal, intuitive nature of the desire, we automatically revert back to same means we employed as a child in the hope of getting the need fulfilled.

 

For example, throughout my childhood I had two primal needs.

1. to feel safe.

 

2. to conceal what was hurting me and trying to deal with it on my own and in secret.

 

Thus at the slightest wink of pain or discomfort I tend to revert to bad habits and shut out the world and attempt to and believe that I can resolve my challenge or problem on my own.

 Then I know of another individual when faced with life struggles  total shutdown occurs and he goes into a very silent space. Shutting down in every way and becoming  almost recluse. Or so it may appear to those looking on.

So learnt behaviour easily becomes the norm and just like when we were kids and we got bullied by the school bully, we would rather feign a headache or tummy ache than actually reach out for help by telling an adult.

So as adults we do the same. We try to either deal with problems alone or we do manifest our need for help in an obscure manner and then hope that someone will recognise our cry for help and reach out to us. Whether it’s because we don’t have the strength or the courage to ask for help or whether we do not realise we need a help. The bottom line is, we deprive ourselves of that which is freely available and easy to access.

The helping hand

from

someone who cares.

  

So reach out, there is a hand waiting to take yours or catch you should you fall

Wife and sister

She is a really special entity

She brings calm

 She brings love  

She brings safety

She is able to take away the darkness

She can take away the pain

She brings laughter

She brings smiles

She brings joy

She brings happiness

She brings contentment…

She brings pride

She brings gratitude

She brings faith

She brings comfort

She brings warmth

She brings appreciation

She brings reason

She brings rhyme

She brings compassion and understanding

She brings appreciation

She brings enjoyment

She brings fun and silliness

She brings enjoyment

She brings beauty

She brings care

She brings honesty

She brings purity

She brings love

She brings perfection

 She gives affection

She takes away loneliness

She takes away sadness

She takes away discomfort

She takes away regret

She takes away losses

She adds

She multiply

 She escalates

 She amplifies

 She develops

She grows

She nurtures

She encourages

She inspires

She motivates

She believes

She shares

She gives

She never takes

She is a friendship

She is a sister

She is a partner

She is a shopping buddy

I’m a children too…

Childhood is a very brief  leg of the journey of life.

And although it does come to end,  the child inside us does not cease to exist. We still miss many aspects of childhood that we yearn for. Some of us miss the innocence and carefree existence that childhood offers. But there is another childhood treasure that we do not only wish for but very often need as much as we need the air we breath.

We need to be nurtured and nursed when we re not feeling well. Be it emotionally or physically.

For emotional discomfort we often just need to know that we are loved and that someone cares and the odd hug could also bring comfort.
But when we ill, a whole different need arises. The need for nurture is then replaced with the need to be nursed… Just like we needed when we were little.
As a baby your mother’s arms offered safety, sanctity  and the promise that things you will be all better tomorrow and all will be well. Creating a trust and dependency on what a mother has to offer to that  little child.
And as you grow into a toddler, the arms of the mother becomes slightly less healing and the promise then becomes “a mothers touch can heal every scrape”. Her kiss can take all your tears away and she possesses powerful knowledge that could fix your world in a blink of an eye. As long as mom is there, present and within a hugs reach.

You then develop  into a preteen and then a teenager. Now the difficult task – deeming your mother as the most uncool being to walk the face of the earth despite what you really feel. Because that is what is expected in the world teenagedom. But all the same she is still the only one to fix the flu. heal the headache and mix the meds that will help nurse you back to health.

Then we move on and become adults, get careers, get married. And still when things go awry, your instincts point toward your mother as a source of salvation and solace. But very often your mother is not within reach as you have embarked on a new life journey, probably with a life partner.

So now what to do? Mom is not near. Solution. If you’re lucky, your life partner will be able to fulfill that role of the persona to nurse and nurture you back to health. Only now reciprocation is necessary as both parties may yearn for it at different times.

Bottom line…

We remain in need of a mothers touch from the cradle to the grave. Whether it is from your own mother or any other person you care for and cares for you.

So mothers,  nurse and nurture  your children for as long as you can, especially when they are sick. Irrespective of  their age. Make them the priority, above your husband, above yourself.

Fathers, nurse and nurture  your children for as long as you can, especially when they are sick. Irrespective of their age. Make them the priority, above your wife, above your parents, above yourself.

Husbands, nurse and nurture  your children and your wife especially when they are sick.  Make them the priority, above yourself.

Wives, nurse and nurture  your children and your husband, especially when they are sick.  Make them the priority,above yourself.

Because deep down we are all still children needing a mommy to take the pain away and make our world better!

Thank you to all mommys, daddys, wives and husbands who does nurse and nurture their loved ones.