On days like This

Today was one of those strange days. One of those days when I feel completely quiet inside, but not numb.

When i feel gentle and peaceful. Vulnerable and  fragile. Yet restless at the same time.

And this lull that is radiating from the pit of my stomach meanders on an endless and mindless path back and forth between my mind and heart.

On days like this silence is my best friend yet loneliness forces unwanted company.

So in a nutshell I have not been able to, in all of these years,  understand or define this strange feeling.

What hand long been apparent however, is that this undefined feeling  brings structure to my internal chaos, inspire my creativity and cultivates my productivity.

But all of the above feelings. thoughts and observations are dwarfed by something much more intense.

On days like this I feel like crawling under my husbands skin and resting my head under his heart.

On days like this I feel a closeness to him unlike anything I can describe in words.

On days like this I miss my darling so much, that it hurts.

On days like this I realise…

I am blessed.


Dangerous Waters

Every now and then we move into a negative space and suddenly all we focus on on is the little things we normally are able to ignore and tolerate. only now they have exploded from tiny dewdrops to destructive monsoons.

And if you are not careful, you might be swept away by the storm floods and end up as debris all damaged and broken up.

So don’t get smashed by that irrational tsunami and swept away by the emotional monsoon.

Rather flee for higher ground and wait for the storm to pass

higher ground

recipe for disaster

My world is a place of highs and lows. Ups and downs. Smiles and  frowns.  Joy and  sadness. Laughter and tears.

My world is a place of confidence and self-doubt. Faith and doubt. Control and chaos.

Life and a desire for not living.

And all of the above can easily exists concurrently  in the same space of time.

Add to to the above a splash of paranoia and a pinch of melancholy.

And what you have is a recipe for disaster.

That could cause a lot of pain, discomfort, tears and arguments.

And instead of getting the support and comfort of those close to you, you end up alienating them as they withdraw as a means to avoid confrontation and conflict and to preserve themselves.

So every time my world fluxes,it topples and falls into impending disaster that is only avoided

by those who cares about me putting themselves into the line of fire.

Sad smile

The gift That Keeps on Giving

its that time again

for me at least

to reflect on years gone by

of all the time we have been together

all the things we have shared

When I say we, I mean hubby and I

it is his birthday

and always a special time

as i can then splurge on him without him reprimanding me


i also then reflect on all the gifts he has and is bringing into my life

So much love, laughter, joy and another bazillion beautiful and fantastic things I have been privileged to share with him

And then I remember all the times when i wished and wanted for things I thought  I deserved or had the right to have

and how often i forgot that he is giving his all

which means there is no more to give if he is giving all that he has to give

so I guess it is my birthday everyday

simply because of the wonderful and fabulous  gift I get each day; everyday

the love of my husband.

And thank you for making me feel valued, loved and cared for.

Thank yo9u for having shared the last nineteen birthdays with me


Love you My Sweets

From your one and only…Koeks



Happiness is…

1. Happiness is a state of mind…
Always looking at the glass half empty? Instead, try to see the positive side of each situation. Denied a promotion at work? It could be an incentive to work a little harder, or the push you need to look for a better job.

2. Happiness is about determination…
Instead of sobbing in a miserable heap about all the problems in your life, make a list of what bothers you and how you plan to solve them.

3. Happiness is being appreciative…
Make a list at the end of each day of the things you’ve completed and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Think about all the good things in your life – a stable job, a loving family etc – and be thankful for it.

4. Happiness includes rewarding and treating yourself…
Put away a bit of money each month and make a list of the things you really want, but cannot see yourself buying. When you have enough money, spoil yourself. You deserve it, after all.

5. Happiness can be manifested through your actions…
Pay someone – friend, colleague or stranger – a compliment. And mean it. There’s nothing more satisfying than knowing that you’ve made someone’s day.

6. Happiness may require you to be detached…
It will help you stay calm and in control of your feelings. Of course you shouldn’t confuse this with not caring – all you are doing is not letting things affect you.

7. Happiness calls for some self-growth…
What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Getting to know yourself can be as simple as taking up a new hobby and in the process, discovering a hidden talent. The bonus? You’ll meet some new – and possibly interesting – people.

8. Happiness means saying a simple ‘no’ sometimes…
It’s okay, we swear! Eliminate activities and tasks that don’t bring you joy and for goodness sakes, stop over-committing yourself!

9. Happiness demands forgiveness…

Harbouring negative emotions like anger and hatred can cripple any chance you have at being happy and feeling fulfilled. Remember that letting go has nothing to do with another person – it is an internal battle that challenges you to resolve your own destructive thoughts and emotions.

10. Happiness is learning to accept…
Some things are difficult – others impossible – to change. We may not be content about everything in life, but if it’s out of our control, then it’s best to acknowledge and accept it for what it is, instead of making it bother us.

happy life

Dreams are just dreams

sometimes we desire. We wish. We dream.
but with want, desire and dreams, comes deep reflection, consideration and planning.
and then upon reflecting and taking all things into account both present and future,
you come to the conclusion that some things are only dreams and are meant to remain just that.
so i guess because we are human, we mourn what could not be and focus on that which we were blessed with.
and with that we trust that it was the best decision to give up on a dream in order to maintain that which is good
and just be thankful for the now

i give…

i give freely.
i give naturally
i give everything
i give only the best
i give more than i have
i give more than i can 
i give with love
i give with sincerity
i give without asking

so why is it when i ask
i am denied. "sad face"


they forget