Neva forget by Mocha Sistah

Relationships are interesting. Friendships are supposed to be healing and positive situations but sometimes…. There are individuals who pose as “friends” and they plot, and then steal what you deem worthy. Today is a day I’ll neva forget. Used to share my secrets with ya. Used to laugh about some crazy stuff with you. What I failed to realize is that you were using my information for your usage. And today is a day I’ll neva forget. This is a day you waited for. You wanted what I had. So you stole. What you fail to realize is that I am not in the darkness like you wanted me to be in. What you fail to realize is that I am God’s angel and he has my back. You can’t steal what things he has given to me. And even though I am trippin’ on your sillyness, I can’t blame you for wanting what I have. What i have is deep and real. What I have is beautiful. What I got you still can’t have. You have something with no substance. I have a deeper gift. A deeper thang. Sistah you can’t steal what blessings he has given to me. You can’t steal my joy. I’m still here. I’m still blessed. So even though I am disappointed in you, know that I am the bigger person and I won’t act crazy. I am going to be real with you. I am still going to be me. But I will neva trust you again. This betrayal is a little too much even for me.

Seeking True Pleasure

Having entered into a plural marriage have evoked many and varied reactions and responses.

 Some very negative, from parties who could not fathom my choice, to some expressing support as long as I am ok.

For many my asking my husband to marry a friend was either abnormal, crazy and desperate or maybe I was “coerced into what my husband wanted”. Maybe “they had an affair”! Maybe “I was scared they would have one and I would rather share him than not have him at all!” Better yet, “I am dying and is trying to ensure that those I love -i.e. my husband and children – have someone to take care of them when I’m gone.”

 Then there were some who said they would have accepted it better if my friend had an affair with him and now decided to get married. And then of course, the only reason her well off family and community could come up with was, that I or we were after her money. So I concocted this elaborate scheme to get my hands on her thousands or maybe millions. Millions it had to be, for me to have changed my life so dramatically that I still sometimes have to remind myself of the status quo. Because this is not an easy journey and definitely not for the faint hearted. Nor is it something to take on unless you are absolutely certain and even then you cannot be prepared for the difficulty you could be presented with. And those in know will tell you , no amount of money, no matter how obscene, could be worth doing this for. Simply because your life changes so dramatically that you even forget how and what life use to be like before.

 So dramatically, that you find discontentment to be a constant amidst the fact that you are indeed happier now than you have ever been. Discontentment largely attributed to the fact that balance and normality have not been achieved yet.

 The natural instinct is to still revert to what was as it is what you were accustomed to and what you have established over years. Yet, you pull yourself back to what it is that you want. The Now!!! The now,  that you want to become that which you yearn for and want to revert to. NOW!!!

 And then you find the very few who not only are NOT shocked or appalled by our choices but are in admiration. Praising it as an act of piety and wishing you well on this special journey. Giving well wishes and sincere prayers for you to grow together and reminding you of the responsibility of what you have taken on as well as the benefit of our actions and praise you for being so bold and strong to do something that pleases God. Some have been brought to tears and was touched by your story and how you were brought to this place of making the decision we have made.

 But society is not grown up enough for plural marriages. They are not brave enough and definitely not bold enough. There is a huge lack of faith and trust in The Creator. Trust to follow your heart and know that if your intentions are pure and sincere, God will lead the way and all you have to do is walk along the already paved path. Paved by a higher power. Realising that you have unknowingly been walking that paved way anyway and only now  have become aware of the direction the journey was taking you in. You ask yourself,  I have walked on trust and faith only. Without thinking. Why start taking things in my own hands? Why not just continue? So you do and you are judged, ostracised, criticized and slandered with unprecedented venom.

 No one cares that you were motivated by a deep sense of love, both for the people involved as well as your Creator. No one bothers to get to know you to find out if it indeed was an act of benevolence as it is claimed to be. Stories are created, twisted, mangled and developed into a sinister plot of money-grabbing, deceit, sexual perversion and illicit affairs simply to entertain and have something to talk about.

No one cares that the people they are smearing in their campaign of lies,  have feeling, and are nothing like what these viscious lies proclain at all. No one knows or cares of  how challenging it is and how much hard and consistent work it is to keep all parties content. How adapting itself has become a chore and that often tears are shed not because of unhappiness, but because of frustration and discontent for not being able to find and maintain that place of comfort.

 But the world is a cruel place and the people who inhabit it are vicious, heartless and cold. No one bothers to get to know you, except for a few. And the few who does, walks away smiling in awe and at ease. “It really seem like its working”

 YES! You want to scream. It is working!!!!

 So inside our home and inside our hearts we find comfort in the fact that we all love. We love deeply, we love sincerely; we love unequivocally, we love completely and without bounds. And all that love is nourished, maintained and nurtured not just by our love for each other but by a deeper love for Our Creator and in that knowledge lies our solace and peace.  The prize we seek is far greater than any kind word or nicety any mortal being can send our way.

 We seek the pleasure of God and there is where consolation lies.

Lies

The key to surviving any ordeal or pain in life is to have hope. The hope that things will get better. Will change. Will be better next time around.

Hope makes us want to try again. Try another attempt to what seem to have failed.  Maybe this time we are wiser and can make better choices. Maybe the other parties involved have changed or will change and that would make all the difference. And that belief again creates hope.

Hope makes us blind for what is right in front of our eyes. Makes us blind to pain around us. Pin inflicted on those we love, sometimes even inflicted by us. Makes us blind to how that pain is killing us and those around us.  Blind to how you are chipped away, chizzled to a mass of nothingness. Untill you are so blind that you do not see yourself any more. Do not recognise yourself anymore.

But still you have hope…

Hope makes you deaf  to the cries of those dependent on you. Those dependent on your love, your caring, your nurturing and your safety. Deaf to your own heart’s cries. Cries for love, respect, trust and freedom. Cries to feel whole again.

But you are  ignorant, blind and deaf, for hope does not bring love, safety, care, nurture, trust and safety. it only brings….

LIES!!!!