Neva forget by Mocha Sistah

Relationships are interesting. Friendships are supposed to be healing and positive situations but sometimes…. There are individuals who pose as “friends” and they plot, and then steal what you deem worthy. Today is a day I’ll neva forget. Used to share my secrets with ya. Used to laugh about some crazy stuff with you. What I failed to realize is that you were using my information for your usage. And today is a day I’ll neva forget. This is a day you waited for. You wanted what I had. So you stole. What you fail to realize is that I am not in the darkness like you wanted me to be in. What you fail to realize is that I am God’s angel and he has my back. You can’t steal what things he has given to me. And even though I am trippin’ on your sillyness, I can’t blame you for wanting what I have. What i have is deep and real. What I have is beautiful. What I got you still can’t have. You have something with no substance. I have a deeper gift. A deeper thang. Sistah you can’t steal what blessings he has given to me. You can’t steal my joy. I’m still here. I’m still blessed. So even though I am disappointed in you, know that I am the bigger person and I won’t act crazy. I am going to be real with you. I am still going to be me. But I will neva trust you again. This betrayal is a little too much even for me.

Personal, Private or Petty?

We so often use to term, ‘Its personal’. But what exactly does that mean.

If you having trouble in your life it is regarded as personal, but only to strangers. For those we allow within our emotional space are sometimes privy to things regarded as personal.

Sentimental items are regarded as personal as it only has meaning to you.

Your being, your very person. That is regarded as personal.

Underwear. That is regarded as personal, especially to men who are not your spouse.

Cosmetics and toiletries are personal because it is used on your body, your person.

Your own space, like your bedroom or your home are also personal.So I can go on and on.

Yes all these things are personal, but they are just as personal as the people you allow within that realm.Your bedroom will be private, but that privacy will be shared by a roommate or spouse.Your underwear will be private accept for those you decide are privy to that part of you. And so you will then decide the level of privacy you will ascribe to each situation.

But then there are  instances that  is  totally personal, without any question, such as your relationship with your husband.  However in my case even that space is often a shared space as my sister-wife is an integral part of my personal space.So my sense of privacy is much different to that of others. My boundaries are completely different. My life a shared space.

 

However, there are certain spheres of my life that to me is sacred and of which I am very territorial and possessive.

1. My own thoughts and feelings are mine and no one is privy to it unless I choose to disclose and share.

 

2. My children are also exclusively mine. The only world I need not share with anyone other than their father. Anyone else, will only be allowed at my discretion and on my decision.

 

Simply because I know how it feels to share the unshareble.

Sacrifice the unthinkable and adapt to the impossible.

To have traded previous plans, dreams and aspirations for new and unknown ones.

 

To have to shift your entire existence and plunge feet first into what sometimes feel like an abyss. An abyss where you walk in blindly trusting that as scary as the darkness seems, it will lead you to a place of  beauty, peace, calm and contentment.

So in the light of this bold and brave leap, is it unreasonable to want to keep some spheres untouched and uncompromised. Not all the time, but indeed some of the time.

Am I petty and pathetic to feel that my children and my relationship with them should remain sacred, untouched and uncompromised.

Am I desperately trying to hold on to the last frontier.

Or do I have just cause to expect that one sphere remain unchanged and grow with ME, around ME and toward ME.

Can I regard my children to be mine and private?

Just asking …

PlodDing PolygaMath!!!

Often you hear marriage is a 50/50 partnership. But what exactly does that mean.Does it mean you should only give 50% and expect only 50% in return? But that would leave you with only 50% again. So then logic would dictate that you give 100% in order to receive 100%. Something most marriages just do not get right.

Thus essentially marriage is then not a case of two halves making a whole, but rather a case of two wholes completing and adding value to each other.

But how does the math work if the fraction or equation is subject to 3 parts as opposed to two. Then the math becomes even more complicated because how do you get 50/50 from a three part equation.

In a monogamous marriage the wife and the husband would be the two equal contributors, but what to do if there is one husband and two wives. Should each wife in polyganous marriage now give 100% and is she to expect 100% return? And if so, the husband should then be giving 200% in order to accomodate both wives. A bit taxing, dont you think? Or should each wife accept that the poor husband can only give 50% to each wife thus giving each of the wives the right also to only give 50% to him.

Sounds all wrong doesn’t it? So how do you work this. I certaily dont know.

I guess this this one will get filed under unsolved mysteries.

 I use to have 100% and now I have less. Not sure if I have 50% because question is 50% of what. Is it 50% of what I had or of what I could have now. Or is it 50% of what is available at any given time. The only certainty is to have 100% and then be reduced to an unknown number is discontenting, as your emotional budget in no way can balance. Simply because the expected emotional expense have not yet adjusted to the smaller emotional budget. And all this uncertainly makes it even harder to solve this complicated equation called polygaMATH.

Too many unknowns, making a solution impossible.

PolygaMATH will remain unsolved!!!