The Road Not Taken

The other day I read a poem by Robert Frost called “The road not taken” and for a bit I was somewhat confused. Could it be that when I wrote the poem down form the textbook, that I made an error in the title. Should it not be “The Road To Take”? But after checking, it was indeed the “the Road Not Taken”.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-by Robert Frost

In  this poem the poet finds himself at a fork in the road and has to choose which road to take. One road looked well worn by traffic while the second road appeared to be unscathed by traffic as it is covered in green grass with no trace of leaves trampled and rotting. He weighs his options and decide to choose the green road not being sure what influenced his choice. But in an effort to sooth his guilt of choosing the one road over the other, he promises himself that one day in the future he will return to take the other road. But in his heart he knows every road takes you away from another road, but leads you to another and so each new road you take not only takes you to a new road but also takes you father away from the road you did not choose. But as much as you accept the road you took and the journey it took you on, you will always wonder what the road you did not take would have brought you, where it would’ve taken you and what opportunities you missed because of not taking that road.

And as usual messages from my creator comes in different and sometimes strange ways. Because today I find myself exactly at a crossroad. A fork in the road with both options unknown to me. One seems to be a safe choice because it seems well travelled, the other green and unscathed by the footsteps of life.

So what do I choose…which road do I take?

 

Never before in my life have I felt so lost; so ungrounded. It feels as though my life lies shattered at my feet. Broken in so many pieces that it appears an impossibility to fix. Many of the shards left so sharp, that any attempt to reach for it result in f injury. Some pieces are so small that any attempt for fix it will be futile. And so I stand here with a sense of hopelessness not even knowing where to start to glue the remaining saveable shards back together again. And then added to that I still find myself standing at a fork in the road, not knowing which is the best one to choose,

So what does these two roads offer?

Road one…..

is the one that is familiar albeit destructive. The one that is known because of past experience, faith and the illusion that things will always be ok again but in reality laced with pain and sadness.

Or

take the new untraveled, unscathed road. Terrifying for fear of the unfamiliar and unknown, yet exciting with the promise of  hope and the new.

A cross-road indeed.

Much to ponder/

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I am lion. Hear me roar!

Yesterday was one of the best days I had had in a long time. Felt like a regular day where the three of us could move the world, pick the stars and realign the planets.
What a fantastic sense of peace and strength. The love that binds us stronger than ever before. Once again my faith is restored not only in my ability to rise above anything life can dish up but also my knack to grow and draw strength from adversity. The three of us are yet again a force to be reckoned with, invincible and unstoppable.

So world, with all your judgemental, uneducated and misinformed, ill-intended, ill-informed, villainous, jealous, spiteful and down right uncalled for advice and opinions.

 

Bring it!

We are ready!

I am ready!

We will not in quietly into the night. We will not give up without a fight’.

And with our Creator in our corner, how could we ever taste despair or failure.

To the Power of Three!!!

Typically untypical!

When you get married the husband has to provide the for his new wife with what she is accustomed to. And when you take a second wife the same rule applies. But what does that really mean. Or more so what does it mean to be fair and just. Is just and fair synonyms to each other. Is it a tit for tat situation. Is it a situation of she get, I get or vice versa. Or it it a case of maintaining the status quo.

Before my husband would fulfill all my needs. I seldom had ask. If i needed something, I could simply go and buy it permitting the money was available. Now I see his hesitance. -‘What about her? What should I get her?’ We were out alone once and went away for one night in the last six months. My husband use to be romantic now even that has diminished. So many things that is prevelent in a typical relationship just is not present. Maybe because this is not a typical relationship. Anything but typical. Our relationship is unlike any other. It is not only special and uncommon but it is intense, loyal, sincere and more importantly, it involves and evolves around not one but three people. Three people in four different relationships. Four? Yes four! There is me and him, him and her, she and me and then there is the three of us. Like I said, not typical at all.
Yet in this untypical relationship we expect our husband to act in a typical manner. Offering typical gestures and doing typical things.
It is typical to want o be with your wife, but it is not typical to not have that option or choice because you are scheduled to be with the other. It is typical to want to ask your wife to drive with to the shops, but not typical to have to decide which one to ask. It is typical to want to take your wife away for a weekend, but it is not typical to be faced with the fact that the other one will be left behind. It typical to want to take your wife out for a romantic dinner. What is not typical is to choose which one to take first and which one to leave for next time. So typical? I think not.

So is it then fair to have typical expectations. To want what is in a typical relationship. To desire and want that which is typical. Or should we rather write a new chapter with new expectations, needs, wants and desires. And then rather relish in the uncommon and untypical. And allow our husband to be untypical and wonderful in his way with both of us by his side most of the time and as often as he wants. Because he is not your average, typical husband and should be allowed to be and act untypical in his untypical marriage with his untypical wives. Here’s to being uncommon and…
Untypical

I am ready…

For the past week I have been grappling with my health. My one kidney struggling to do its job resulting in toxemia. I have forgotten how ill you can feel when struggling with renal problems. The constant nausea, headaches, dizziness and tiredness. Before I didn’t quite realise the seriousness of  having renal problems, but as I am now getting older I have come to the realisation that I can and would probably die of renal failure unless something else comes up before then. And it will. I know that. I have always felt that old age was not something I should look forward to. Longevity was not part  of my life plan or path.

Which made me reflect on many things. And then I remembered what someone , well more than one person actually, had asked me. When I , we, embarked on this journey or a polygamous marriage and I informed those I felt needed to know, I was asked whether I was dying. I was a bit surprised if not a little perturbed by this very unexpected question. “Why are you asking me that?” was my confused response.  “Well”, I was informed, “It seem as though you are getting things in place for your family for when you not there anymore. Someone to be a wife for your husband and a mother to your children. Obviously someone you trust and know will be good for your family.” Needless to say I totally dispelled any such notion to the extent that I found this kind of paranoia funny and laughable.

However now 5 months down the line, and having been really sick for the first time in years, I find myself questioning my mortality. Questioning the journey Allah has put me on. Questioning how building blocks have been laid down seemingly in isolation, over an extended period of time. But upon reflection and retrospection all these random and isolated instances and emotional growth and movement seem anything but random and isolated. They seem to be part of an elaborate and covert plan architected by a higher power with a vision that is obscured from  to us.

Question is: Am I that special that Allah would afford me the gift of having the peace of mind that those I love is taken care of and are all together to be a support to each other when I no longer walk this earth. Maybe this is the reward for all my pain and suffering all of my life.  I believe in a fair and benevolent Creator and if this elaborate plan indeed is the gift of peace of mind than the benevolence of my Allah is confirmed and I regard myself special, chosen and lucky.

In in that light I want to say thank you. Thank you Allah for caring enough for me to do all of this for me. I stand before you ready and waiting for whatever the next journey is that you taking me on. Be it longevity or death. I am ready…