Relationships are interesting. Friendships are supposed to be healing and positive situations but sometimes…. There are individuals who pose as “friends” and they plot, and then steal what you deem worthy. Today is a day I’ll neva forget. Used to share my secrets with ya. Used to laugh about some crazy stuff with you. What I failed to realize is that you were using my information for your usage. And today is a day I’ll neva forget. This is a day you waited for. You wanted what I had. So you stole. What you fail to realize is that I am not in the darkness like you wanted me to be in. What you fail to realize is that I am God’s angel and he has my back. You can’t steal what things he has given to me. And even though I am trippin’ on your sillyness, I can’t blame you for wanting what I have. What i have is deep and real. What I have is beautiful. What I got you still can’t have. You have something with no substance. I have a deeper gift. A deeper thang. Sistah you can’t steal what blessings he has given to me. You can’t steal my joy. I’m still here. I’m still blessed. So even though I am disappointed in you, know that I am the bigger person and I won’t act crazy. I am going to be real with you. I am still going to be me. But I will neva trust you again. This betrayal is a little too much even for me.
I have not been blogging or even journalling in a while. Tried a few times but without success. Too much have been going on. Too many blockages. And too many battles to fight, decisions to make and stops to put in place.
All in an attempt to make life possible without the haunts of the past.
Without the constant bombardment of internal and external turmoil. Torn between my natural instinct to give and do for others and my instinct that all of us has certain undeniable obligations and responsibilities.
I understand that one hand washes the other but that does not exempt you from owning up to what is your responsibility. So one has a part to play and one should be aware of that role and understand that it is not a choice but and obligation.
The first obligation one has is to be true to yourself, but this is very often clouded by affections you have for those close to you. Especially when you realise gifts have been given that you did not need, Sacrifices have been made that you didn’t want.
This realisation in turn sends you on a spiral of sometimes anger, resentment, discomfort and guilt, but also a feeling of being out of control of your personal domain.
Then in an attempt to restore your personal equilibrium and alleviate the feelings guilt due the sacrifices having been made for you, you try to return the same gift. Only to then be judged and purged for your efforts and .
All this ends up in a sick cat and mouse game that result in tears, sadness, discontent and arguments.
How do get them to understand that I do not want favours.
Do not need favours.
And to check with me as to hat my needs are.
My independence cannot be sacrificed under the premise of HELP!!