PlodDing PolygaMath!!!

Often you hear marriage is a 50/50 partnership. But what exactly does that mean.Does it mean you should only give 50% and expect only 50% in return? But that would leave you with only 50% again. So then logic would dictate that you give 100% in order to receive 100%. Something most marriages just do not get right.

Thus essentially marriage is then not a case of two halves making a whole, but rather a case of two wholes completing and adding value to each other.

But how does the math work if the fraction or equation is subject to 3 parts as opposed to two. Then the math becomes even more complicated because how do you get 50/50 from a three part equation.

In a monogamous marriage the wife and the husband would be the two equal contributors, but what to do if there is one husband and two wives. Should each wife in polyganous marriage now give 100% and is she to expect 100% return? And if so, the husband should then be giving 200% in order to accomodate both wives. A bit taxing, dont you think? Or should each wife accept that the poor husband can only give 50% to each wife thus giving each of the wives the right also to only give 50% to him.

Sounds all wrong doesn’t it? So how do you work this. I certaily dont know.

I guess this this one will get filed under unsolved mysteries.

 I use to have 100% and now I have less. Not sure if I have 50% because question is 50% of what. Is it 50% of what I had or of what I could have now. Or is it 50% of what is available at any given time. The only certainty is to have 100% and then be reduced to an unknown number is discontenting, as your emotional budget in no way can balance. Simply because the expected emotional expense have not yet adjusted to the smaller emotional budget. And all this uncertainly makes it even harder to solve this complicated equation called polygaMATH.

Too many unknowns, making a solution impossible.

PolygaMATH will remain unsolved!!!

I’m a children too…

Childhood is a very brief  leg of the journey of life.

And although it does come to end,  the child inside us does not cease to exist. We still miss many aspects of childhood that we yearn for. Some of us miss the innocence and carefree existence that childhood offers. But there is another childhood treasure that we do not only wish for but very often need as much as we need the air we breath.

We need to be nurtured and nursed when we re not feeling well. Be it emotionally or physically.

For emotional discomfort we often just need to know that we are loved and that someone cares and the odd hug could also bring comfort.
But when we ill, a whole different need arises. The need for nurture is then replaced with the need to be nursed… Just like we needed when we were little.
As a baby your mother’s arms offered safety, sanctity  and the promise that things you will be all better tomorrow and all will be well. Creating a trust and dependency on what a mother has to offer to that  little child.
And as you grow into a toddler, the arms of the mother becomes slightly less healing and the promise then becomes “a mothers touch can heal every scrape”. Her kiss can take all your tears away and she possesses powerful knowledge that could fix your world in a blink of an eye. As long as mom is there, present and within a hugs reach.

You then develop  into a preteen and then a teenager. Now the difficult task – deeming your mother as the most uncool being to walk the face of the earth despite what you really feel. Because that is what is expected in the world teenagedom. But all the same she is still the only one to fix the flu. heal the headache and mix the meds that will help nurse you back to health.

Then we move on and become adults, get careers, get married. And still when things go awry, your instincts point toward your mother as a source of salvation and solace. But very often your mother is not within reach as you have embarked on a new life journey, probably with a life partner.

So now what to do? Mom is not near. Solution. If you’re lucky, your life partner will be able to fulfill that role of the persona to nurse and nurture you back to health. Only now reciprocation is necessary as both parties may yearn for it at different times.

Bottom line…

We remain in need of a mothers touch from the cradle to the grave. Whether it is from your own mother or any other person you care for and cares for you.

So mothers,  nurse and nurture  your children for as long as you can, especially when they are sick. Irrespective of  their age. Make them the priority, above your husband, above yourself.

Fathers, nurse and nurture  your children for as long as you can, especially when they are sick. Irrespective of their age. Make them the priority, above your wife, above your parents, above yourself.

Husbands, nurse and nurture  your children and your wife especially when they are sick.  Make them the priority, above yourself.

Wives, nurse and nurture  your children and your husband, especially when they are sick.  Make them the priority,above yourself.

Because deep down we are all still children needing a mommy to take the pain away and make our world better!

Thank you to all mommys, daddys, wives and husbands who does nurse and nurture their loved ones.

Our first Eid together

Eid was never something I looked  forward to. It always filled me with dread and sadness. Mainly because it of the complications of not being able to see my family or choosing not to see them. But that is a story for another time.

Back to the here and now.

So I had the normal anxiety. Only this time I ascribed it to our changed marriage situation. My husband reminded me that for as long as we have been married Eid has been a prickly pear for me and I would have feelings of anxiety and discomfort; And as much as I accepted and realised that it was indeed the case, the feelings did not really subside. So there was some discontent and discomfort, but my husband and sister-wife stayed by my side and until the discomfort and pain subsided and I was then ready to start this very special day.

 

Anyway so I was fortunate enough to wake up next to my husband as it was my night with him because that really caused me some discontent as I have never woken up to Eid morning alone in 18 years. But Allah knows our hearts, our fears and gives us what we need and deserve. Alghamdulillah!

My sister-wife and I cooked together for our family. And it was beautiful. ( and really awesome having an extra pair of hands in the kitchen, lol). My act of love of cooking for my family have now become an act of love with both me and my sister-wife cooking for our family.

  

For the first time Eid actually held joy and excitement.

 For the first time I actually made the effort to dress up and not hide in my room the entire day.

For the first time I did not have anxiety about the day of Eid.

 

 

From there onward the day just went from good, to great to fantastically fabulous!!! We had great friends over for lunch which ran into tea-time, supper and a late desert. Never leaving the table, never leaving the joy, never leaving the laughter.

 

  

In addition new friends were made and new connections were forged while old ones were reestablished and reaffirmed. Not even cultural and foreign boundaries could withstand the power of love of Eid Fitr 2010 as it launched its onslaught on all the festering negativity and pain that has plagued me and those near to me.

 

 

I could have written a minute by minute account of Eid day as there was so many joyous and funny occurrences but I choose to pen only the core emotions and essences of the day because that is what I want to remember and treasure for eternity!!!

Thank you to all who contributed and made the day special. I salute you…