JOY IS IN THE SIMPLE THINGS

Joy is in the simple things: touching,
Embracing, chattering on for hours about nothing,
Sure of your place within another’s heart.
Simple things: like coming home knowing
Exactly where the treasure lies; like being
At ease with what you do and who you are;
Needing what you already have; accepting,
Desiring what you have been given; feeling
The gratitude of someone who is loved;
Investing goodness instead of money; giving
For the pleasure of giving pleasure; seeing
Fortune come to take you in its arms.
All this joy is yours for the price of loving,
Not only well but long, days of willing,
Years and years of wise and patient love.

Unknown

Because of you I am

Because of you …

I am!

 

Listen to the song

Reflection brings perspective and clarity.

But also points you to where you gone wrong and how different actions could have led to different outcomes.

You realise that in some some battles the casualties are far too great to justify the fight.

 You realise that you are combatant in an endless and waisted conflict that is not worthy of being pursued.

And that you are wasting precious resources on a futile and waisted effort.

Why not rather focus on the small battles won and forget about the raging war and the constant hope of the spoils it might render.

However, it’s easier said than done.

I think at the risk of sounding like I know, I am of the opinion that the very energy used to constantly engage in wasted fighting should be utilised in moving towards that which is positive and focus on the gifts you have in your life and in recognising them and appreciating them, more joy and happiness will fill your world and the people who shares it with you.

 So go on!

Follow the song in your heart and forget the noise in your mind that is keeping you on the battlefield and is bogging you down.

Naz

Surviving yet another year

So another year is nearing its end. And another year we have been together.

 years.

 

Seems like a lifetime. With many ups and sadly as much down.
Much love was always prevalent through out as was joy, laughter and special moments.

This year had been especially challenging both on a personal and professional front with the much joy, excitement and love but also great pain, discomfort and losses.

 

The highlight was my husbands marriage to my best friend and the absolute low was loosing a job and  workplace I absolutely enjoyed and loved.

 

I’ve received devastating news but at the same time it was a relief to be in the know. To make sense of years of fear, confusion and trouble. To not feel totally responsible for much so pain and unhappiness.

 

So I guess in the end as bad as 2010 appeared to be, it brought many joys, answers and new beginnings.
2010 will definitely be the most memorable for many years to come.

I’m a children too…

Childhood is a very brief  leg of the journey of life.

And although it does come to end,  the child inside us does not cease to exist. We still miss many aspects of childhood that we yearn for. Some of us miss the innocence and carefree existence that childhood offers. But there is another childhood treasure that we do not only wish for but very often need as much as we need the air we breath.

We need to be nurtured and nursed when we re not feeling well. Be it emotionally or physically.

For emotional discomfort we often just need to know that we are loved and that someone cares and the odd hug could also bring comfort.
But when we ill, a whole different need arises. The need for nurture is then replaced with the need to be nursed… Just like we needed when we were little.
As a baby your mother’s arms offered safety, sanctity  and the promise that things you will be all better tomorrow and all will be well. Creating a trust and dependency on what a mother has to offer to that  little child.
And as you grow into a toddler, the arms of the mother becomes slightly less healing and the promise then becomes “a mothers touch can heal every scrape”. Her kiss can take all your tears away and she possesses powerful knowledge that could fix your world in a blink of an eye. As long as mom is there, present and within a hugs reach.

You then develop  into a preteen and then a teenager. Now the difficult task – deeming your mother as the most uncool being to walk the face of the earth despite what you really feel. Because that is what is expected in the world teenagedom. But all the same she is still the only one to fix the flu. heal the headache and mix the meds that will help nurse you back to health.

Then we move on and become adults, get careers, get married. And still when things go awry, your instincts point toward your mother as a source of salvation and solace. But very often your mother is not within reach as you have embarked on a new life journey, probably with a life partner.

So now what to do? Mom is not near. Solution. If you’re lucky, your life partner will be able to fulfill that role of the persona to nurse and nurture you back to health. Only now reciprocation is necessary as both parties may yearn for it at different times.

Bottom line…

We remain in need of a mothers touch from the cradle to the grave. Whether it is from your own mother or any other person you care for and cares for you.

So mothers,  nurse and nurture  your children for as long as you can, especially when they are sick. Irrespective of  their age. Make them the priority, above your husband, above yourself.

Fathers, nurse and nurture  your children for as long as you can, especially when they are sick. Irrespective of their age. Make them the priority, above your wife, above your parents, above yourself.

Husbands, nurse and nurture  your children and your wife especially when they are sick.  Make them the priority, above yourself.

Wives, nurse and nurture  your children and your husband, especially when they are sick.  Make them the priority,above yourself.

Because deep down we are all still children needing a mommy to take the pain away and make our world better!

Thank you to all mommys, daddys, wives and husbands who does nurse and nurture their loved ones.

Our first Eid together

Eid was never something I looked  forward to. It always filled me with dread and sadness. Mainly because it of the complications of not being able to see my family or choosing not to see them. But that is a story for another time.

Back to the here and now.

So I had the normal anxiety. Only this time I ascribed it to our changed marriage situation. My husband reminded me that for as long as we have been married Eid has been a prickly pear for me and I would have feelings of anxiety and discomfort; And as much as I accepted and realised that it was indeed the case, the feelings did not really subside. So there was some discontent and discomfort, but my husband and sister-wife stayed by my side and until the discomfort and pain subsided and I was then ready to start this very special day.

 

Anyway so I was fortunate enough to wake up next to my husband as it was my night with him because that really caused me some discontent as I have never woken up to Eid morning alone in 18 years. But Allah knows our hearts, our fears and gives us what we need and deserve. Alghamdulillah!

My sister-wife and I cooked together for our family. And it was beautiful. ( and really awesome having an extra pair of hands in the kitchen, lol). My act of love of cooking for my family have now become an act of love with both me and my sister-wife cooking for our family.

  

For the first time Eid actually held joy and excitement.

 For the first time I actually made the effort to dress up and not hide in my room the entire day.

For the first time I did not have anxiety about the day of Eid.

 

 

From there onward the day just went from good, to great to fantastically fabulous!!! We had great friends over for lunch which ran into tea-time, supper and a late desert. Never leaving the table, never leaving the joy, never leaving the laughter.

 

  

In addition new friends were made and new connections were forged while old ones were reestablished and reaffirmed. Not even cultural and foreign boundaries could withstand the power of love of Eid Fitr 2010 as it launched its onslaught on all the festering negativity and pain that has plagued me and those near to me.

 

 

I could have written a minute by minute account of Eid day as there was so many joyous and funny occurrences but I choose to pen only the core emotions and essences of the day because that is what I want to remember and treasure for eternity!!!

Thank you to all who contributed and made the day special. I salute you…

A time for guilt

 Time is precious. Something we should value and appreciate and never take for granted. So be grateful for the time you spend with loved ones, because you could loose them at any time.

Today a very dear friend of mine lost her mother and she was fortunate enough to have done much for her mother before her mother’s passing. Thus she has no guilt and no regrets.

 Her siblings are not as fortunate, they will live, hopefully if the feel at an inkling for their departed mother and surviving father, guilt ridden and ful of regrets for many a day to come.

Despite them living minutes from her parents she would be the one to come all the way from another continent to come do for and be there do both her mother and father.
So now she is the one being able to be together and be the one to do and manage all that need to be done.

Guilt can be debilitating and no guilt liberating.

 

So u can choose long before loosing those precious to you, whether it is to death or simply to another life, whether you want to feel debilitated or liberated.

Surrender, Concede, Capitulate

So I got angry because I felt excluded, sidelined, marginalised and ignored. Yes I felt  all these things and before I would have understood. Before I would have knows he is preoccupied and stressed. Before I would have waited it out. Things will return to normal and he would be in my space again. Tomorrow things would have calmed down and all will be as it were.

But tomorrow is not to be. It belongs to another. Another is holding her breath and looking forward to tomorrow.  I will have to wait till the next day and hope that the next day will not also pan out as today did. Will not also end up being lost, alone and empty. Because other more urgent matters arise.

And then little gremlins start popping up. Start whispering like vicious little devils in your ears. Whispers that creates pain and fear and discontent. Everything start looking like something. Nothing start looking like something. Something that you are not getting, that you do not have.Something that wish for and desire and longs for. You feel cheated and robbed. Robbed of what is yours and what is your right. And she is not to blame. It is her right too, yet she seem to be so gracious about everything and I’m everything but. Is there even anyone to be blamed?  No! No blame. Just demons screaming in your heart and creating noise in your head. And you pain. So much that you have an intense desire to just close up and shut down, for if you close up and shut down, you do not feel. And if you do not feel, you cannot hurt. You cannot pain.

Time has become your worst enemy. Your primary source of fear. Fear of loneliness and fear of becoming obsolete. Yesterday’s news. Redundant and old. You know the  reality is that it is not so, but these damn devils keep whispering, screaming, making you hear. Forcing you to listen.

So you sit down and you try to be sensible and rational. He does love you, you know that. She puts you first as well. You know that too.

So why the doubt?  

Why the lack of faith?

Why do I need so much reassurance and reaffirmation?

Is it because of past trust issues and past insecurities? Why can I not trust and believe without any doubt?  Why am I so careful? Is it fear of getting hurt by those you think and believe love you?  In the past you were also loved. Or so you thought. There were hidden, selfish and painful agendas. That hurt, crippled, and near destroyed you.

But that was then. Now is different. You won that battle and annihilated the enemy. Victory was yours!!! So why do you still feel fear and pain. Is it just a bad habit? A habit that wont die. I feel like giving up. Letting everything go and giving everything freedom. Freedom to do  and say and make without me. Without having to consider me and complicate things. Because I am damaged, irreparable, corrupted and lost. I should be cut loose before anyone else get pulled down by me.

Am I asking too much? Do I even have the right to ask or to expect, to want, to need, to wish. Maybe not. Maybe never.

So I will just stick to the familiar which brings me to the bottom line.

And that bottom line is…

I am never to be happy .

Never to be content.

Never to be at peace.

Maybe my contentment lies elsewhere and is not due now. So will stop trying and just wait.

So I will wait…