If

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,

If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son! Rudyard Kipling

No, thank you.

I have not been blogging or even journalling in a while. Tried a few times but without success. Too much have been going on. Too many blockages. And too many battles to fight, decisions to make and stops to put in place.

All in an attempt to make life possible without the haunts of the past.

Without the constant bombardment of internal and external turmoil. Torn between my natural instinct to give and do for others and my instinct that all of us has certain undeniable obligations and responsibilities.

I understand that one hand washes the other but that does not exempt you from owning up to what is your responsibility. So one has a part to play and one should be aware of that role and understand that it is not a choice but and obligation.

The first obligation one has is to be true to yourself, but this is very often clouded by affections you have for those close to you. Especially when you realise gifts have been given that you did not need, Sacrifices have been made that you didn’t want.

This realisation in turn sends you on a spiral of sometimes anger, resentment, discomfort and guilt, but also a feeling of  being out of control of your personal domain.

Then in an attempt  to restore your personal equilibrium and alleviate the feelings guilt due the sacrifices having been made for you, you try to return the same gift. Only to then be judged and purged for your efforts and .

All this ends up in a sick cat and mouse game that result in tears, sadness, discontent and arguments.

How do get them to understand that I do not want favours.

Do not need favours.

And to check with me as to hat my needs are.

My independence cannot be sacrificed under the premise of  HELP!!

SO THANK YOU, BUT NO THANK YOU!!!

Misconceptions and paranoia

The past few weeks have been a very harrowing experience. Plagued and tried with misunderstanding, arguments, conflict and long uncomfortable silences. Constant moodswings did not help at all and resulted in much irrationality and paranoia.
But an atmosphere such as described above need constant negative reinforcement.
So to break this cycle all parties must find common ground and understanding for each individual’s feelings and be weary of reacting on perceptions rather than actual actions and reactions.
And so by remembering and following this simple piece of advice, equilibrium can be re-established and peace and happiness can be restored.

Lesson: Perception can be misleading and could lead to paranoia and misconception resulting in undue pain, tears and animosity… Naz