Being a mom

So much have changed. So much are missed.
I miss our quiet morning drive to work. Our chatty afternoons returning home. And sometimes afternoons would be also be quiet and tired. I miss our impromptu stops for coffee or icecream or supper. Visiting special places only known to us. I miss the unspoken words as you lay my hand on your thigh establishing a silent yet solid connection of two lovers bound in every way. I miss your comforting eyes after a difficult day. Your warm smile as I relate silly anecdotes of the day that passed. Sharing the good, the great and sometimes the not so great.
Making every early morning, every cumbersome day and every late evening bearable and often a undisclosed space where only the two of us exist. For six years. That was our mornings and our evenings.

Now it has abruptly stopped. No more morning chats or silences. No more afternoon sharing or a shoulder for me to sleep on after a long day.
No more resting my head on your lap as your body and presence drain all unpleasant remnants of the day gently away.

I miss your kiss goodbye and your kiss hello.

I miss the excitement of waiting for you and feeling my heart jump when I see you coming.

I miss.
I miss.
I miss.

But every cloud has a silver lining.
I now get to spend so much time with my brood.
My baby girl are chatting to me, lounging around with me or making jewellery with me. I am finally reconnecting with my baby.
And the boys cannot believe their luck to get cooked lunches and have me around all the time. Sometimes we chat about what interest them, sometimes topical issues or the news or sometimes I just sit watching them play games. Generally just enjoying a shared space wit the three most important people in my life.

Then next week a whole new journey will start. My sweetie will be goin to school for the first time. .(my sister-wife,s son) and for the first time in six years my children will be coming home to me from school.
I realise only now how much I have missed. My baby girl literally grew up in absence.
So now I accept the gift Allah has awarded me and I am thankful that I get to do for all four of our brood. I get a second chance at redoing what I missed and did wrong.

Thank you Allah.

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