This post I wrote probably a year ago….. its is time to out how I feel.
So now its here. They finally planning a baby or rather WE are planning a baby. Yes, WE. For the plan is that I am fully and completely involved and included. And yes I am excited, impatient and scared all at the same time. Feeling very much the same I did when I was expecting my three precious children.
But at the same time…
I have this silent lull in the pit of my stomach. A deep sadness and emptiness driven by an intense desire to also be the one carrying,nurturing and delivering a precious package into our home, our lives.
Never have I mourned the loss of my womb as I do at this very moment. The longng is so real that the emptines it leaves echoes like an empty cave.
I should not be feeling this way. I have done well. I brought three beautiful children into this world who has grown into well mannered, well balanced and yes, a little lazy, teenagers. And I love them deeply.
Yet the sense of loss and apprehension remains.
I have nothing but to trust in my creator and the two people closest to me.
So now we wait and see if we will be trusted with the responsibility and blessing of a new breath to this world.