Avoidance not Abhorrence!!!

Avoidance.

Avoiding you.

 Avoiding your presence.

Avoiding your stare, your eyes.

For fear of what I might see.

Fear of disapproval.

Fear of anger.

Fear of  hopelessness and pain.

Fear of Fear.

Fear of the future

The fear is crippling, and debilitating.

The fear feels unsurmountable.

Avoidance becomes a skill to be employed for self preservation.

I do not subscribe.

I do not deliver.

I do not comply.

Not to what you ask.

Not to what you desire.

Not what you need.

And I have tried.

And sometimes I feel like I manage, only to be informed that incidents had occurred again.

Incidents I cannot recall or have experienced differently.

Only to be told I have regressed yet again.

Making me despondent.

Am I living a lie?

Am I fooling myself.

I wish I could answer negative to those questions conviction.

But I can’t…

Advertisements

One thought on “Avoidance not Abhorrence!!!

  1. Sisterwoman… I hurt for you. What’s wrong? Please… I may be across the sea… but write to me. I’d like to be there for you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s