Another one bites the dust

Another one bites the dust.

 The dying breath of 2010 after a long, painful but brave and courageous battle.

But despite all the obstacles it most certainly feels to drawing to a close on a maybe not high but positive note.

 At least where it matters.

Once again love not only survived but also conquered all.

This year I lost much.

Sacrificed much and had to to make huge paradigm shifts and massively had to adjust my view of what my life should be and would be like looking forward.

 But above all so much have been gained this year.

 Our family grew with an additional wife and mother and our brood grew in the form of a well spoken, eloquent, toothless but absolutely adorable son.

And after some discomfort, major adjustment we are now all fully integrated and happy.

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I did it my way

So it is here.

 The dying breath of 2010 after a long, painful but brave and courageous battle.

But despite all the obstacles it most certainly feels to drawing to a close on a maybe not high but positive note.

 At least where it matters.

Once again love not only survived but also conquered all.

 This year I lost much.

Sacrificed much and had to to make huge paradigm shifts and massively had to adjust my view of what my life should be and would be like looking forward. But above all so much have been gained this year.

Our family grew with an additional wife and mother and our brood grew in the form of a well spoken, eloquent, toothless but absolutely adorable

Surviving yet another year

So another year is nearing its end. And another year we have been together.

 years.

 

Seems like a lifetime. With many ups and sadly as much down.
Much love was always prevalent through out as was joy, laughter and special moments.

This year had been especially challenging both on a personal and professional front with the much joy, excitement and love but also great pain, discomfort and losses.

 

The highlight was my husbands marriage to my best friend and the absolute low was loosing a job and  workplace I absolutely enjoyed and loved.

 

I’ve received devastating news but at the same time it was a relief to be in the know. To make sense of years of fear, confusion and trouble. To not feel totally responsible for much so pain and unhappiness.

 

So I guess in the end as bad as 2010 appeared to be, it brought many joys, answers and new beginnings.
2010 will definitely be the most memorable for many years to come.

I am lion. Hear me roar!

Yesterday was one of the best days I had had in a long time. Felt like a regular day where the three of us could move the world, pick the stars and realign the planets.
What a fantastic sense of peace and strength. The love that binds us stronger than ever before. Once again my faith is restored not only in my ability to rise above anything life can dish up but also my knack to grow and draw strength from adversity. The three of us are yet again a force to be reckoned with, invincible and unstoppable.

So world, with all your judgemental, uneducated and misinformed, ill-intended, ill-informed, villainous, jealous, spiteful and down right uncalled for advice and opinions.

 

Bring it!

We are ready!

I am ready!

We will not in quietly into the night. We will not give up without a fight’.

And with our Creator in our corner, how could we ever taste despair or failure.

To the Power of Three!!!

Illusive Sandman

Sleep wont come. Lying here alone with my thoughts, my feelings. Tv brings no solace. The loneliness is consuming. I reached out. But law destiny derailed my efforts once again. Dont have the courage to reach out more directly.

The loneliness is like cold gripping vindictive grip around my heart. Squeezing tighter and tighter. Morning must come soon. Hurry!

Every morning…

Living under a cloud of doubt is very discontenting and unpleasant. But much as I hate it, I now find myself in that very position. Stuck between hell and no-man’s land.
The future is generally and naturally uncertain and can be a very scary prospect.
But what do we deem as the future. Tomorrow? Two days from now? Next week? Next month? Next year? Or five years from now?

But what to do if the future you fear is what the next hour holds or the next day you wake up to.
What do you do if the fear grips you with a cold vengeance and a merciless vigour. When you not even sure if things will improve.
When you see no potential and no prospects.
What do you do if your body becomes your primary enemy and bombards your soul with angry bouts of anxiety that prevents you from functionality and effectivity.

Hopelessness and despair sets in.
Faith falters.
Fear returns.
And so it starts all over again. Over and over…
Every
Morning

Personal, Private or Petty?

We so often use to term, ‘Its personal’. But what exactly does that mean.

If you having trouble in your life it is regarded as personal, but only to strangers. For those we allow within our emotional space are sometimes privy to things regarded as personal.

Sentimental items are regarded as personal as it only has meaning to you.

Your being, your very person. That is regarded as personal.

Underwear. That is regarded as personal, especially to men who are not your spouse.

Cosmetics and toiletries are personal because it is used on your body, your person.

Your own space, like your bedroom or your home are also personal.So I can go on and on.

Yes all these things are personal, but they are just as personal as the people you allow within that realm.Your bedroom will be private, but that privacy will be shared by a roommate or spouse.Your underwear will be private accept for those you decide are privy to that part of you. And so you will then decide the level of privacy you will ascribe to each situation.

But then there are  instances that  is  totally personal, without any question, such as your relationship with your husband.  However in my case even that space is often a shared space as my sister-wife is an integral part of my personal space.So my sense of privacy is much different to that of others. My boundaries are completely different. My life a shared space.

 

However, there are certain spheres of my life that to me is sacred and of which I am very territorial and possessive.

1. My own thoughts and feelings are mine and no one is privy to it unless I choose to disclose and share.

 

2. My children are also exclusively mine. The only world I need not share with anyone other than their father. Anyone else, will only be allowed at my discretion and on my decision.

 

Simply because I know how it feels to share the unshareble.

Sacrifice the unthinkable and adapt to the impossible.

To have traded previous plans, dreams and aspirations for new and unknown ones.

 

To have to shift your entire existence and plunge feet first into what sometimes feel like an abyss. An abyss where you walk in blindly trusting that as scary as the darkness seems, it will lead you to a place of  beauty, peace, calm and contentment.

So in the light of this bold and brave leap, is it unreasonable to want to keep some spheres untouched and uncompromised. Not all the time, but indeed some of the time.

Am I petty and pathetic to feel that my children and my relationship with them should remain sacred, untouched and uncompromised.

Am I desperately trying to hold on to the last frontier.

Or do I have just cause to expect that one sphere remain unchanged and grow with ME, around ME and toward ME.

Can I regard my children to be mine and private?

Just asking …