Stifle, smother, suffocate.

Stifled, smothered, suffocating Thats how I feel.
By my thoughts.
By my feelings.
By my body.
By those around me.
Thinking they know what I need. How I feel. What I feel. What I should do. How could they possibly know.
They don’t walk in my shoes.
They dont feel my heart beating erratically out of fear for the future. The rest of my life.
They dont hear the screaming in my head. The pressure that makes my head feel like it will explode. They dont feel the constant, sinking weight in the pit of my stomach. They dont feel the constant tremors that plaques my body.
They don’t feel the dryness in my mouth and throat as the cold hand of irrational fear grips and crushes my already aching heart.
They dont know how the lonely monster grins and grimace when the time comes. Again the future seem fearful and scary.
Soon my children will leave the nest and it will be only me with no distraction. Just a burden and a bother.
Too much change this year. Please God. No more curve balls. No more suprises. No more challenges. No more new. Nothing new. I cant anymore. Dont want to anymore. Because this is my lonely journey. Mine to travel.
No one
Knows what I need.
What I should do.
How I should act.
What I am going through.
What is going through my mind.
How I feel.
ONLY I DO…