Rollercoaster

 

For years we have been on is this rollercoaster. This way, that way, up then down, good then bad. A very tiresome life indeed.

 

And through all this time love was the constant. Didn’t matter what life or rather me, dished up, love made you hold on. Love made you have faith. Love made you support. Love made you believe and Love made you forgive.

 

 

But I also love. I also love much and deeply.

So when you hurt, I hurt.

 And I am the one inflicting or causing the pain (directly or indirectly).

 

I then in turn I hurt and overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and despair. The pain I see in your eyes stabs through me like the edge of a serrated knife tearing through the flesh of my heart.

And I have tried over time to not be the antagonist but seem to easily revert to that side of me as soon as I am with my back against the wall. Fearing what will happen this time. how will I mess up this time. Who will I hurt this time.

So tired of my own unkept promises.

So tired of dissappointing myself.

I am tired of breaking myself down.

So tired of feeling pain.

So tired of causing pain.

So tired of feeling like I can finally be happy.

But mostly,

Iam tired of seeing pain in your eyes

Unhappiness n your eyes.

I’m sorry…

But even those words must sound so hollow by now…

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