Helping Hands, Pseudo Sickness,Veiled Vicinity

Dealing with life is different for each each person uses their own tools and skills they have acquired over time. And how we deal with joy and adversity is also totally subject to the background and coping mechanisms of that specific individual.

 

However adversity rather than joy has the strange way of regressing the individual to that childhood place of when we experienced discomfort, and then we respond to this negative emotion in an almost childlike manner. And that very thing we desired as a child, be it love, affection, comfort or acknowledgement then becomes a primary objective. And because of the primal, intuitive nature of the desire, we automatically revert back to same means we employed as a child in the hope of getting the need fulfilled.

 

For example, throughout my childhood I had two primal needs.

1. to feel safe.

 

2. to conceal what was hurting me and trying to deal with it on my own and in secret.

 

Thus at the slightest wink of pain or discomfort I tend to revert to bad habits and shut out the world and attempt to and believe that I can resolve my challenge or problem on my own.

 Then I know of another individual when faced with life struggles  total shutdown occurs and he goes into a very silent space. Shutting down in every way and becoming  almost recluse. Or so it may appear to those looking on.

So learnt behaviour easily becomes the norm and just like when we were kids and we got bullied by the school bully, we would rather feign a headache or tummy ache than actually reach out for help by telling an adult.

So as adults we do the same. We try to either deal with problems alone or we do manifest our need for help in an obscure manner and then hope that someone will recognise our cry for help and reach out to us. Whether it’s because we don’t have the strength or the courage to ask for help or whether we do not realise we need a help. The bottom line is, we deprive ourselves of that which is freely available and easy to access.

The helping hand

from

someone who cares.

  

So reach out, there is a hand waiting to take yours or catch you should you fall

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2 thoughts on “Helping Hands, Pseudo Sickness,Veiled Vicinity

  1. This reminds me of a few women in my life who feel totally unworthy of receiving help, gifts, compliments, affection, etc. For instance, if one of them needs a postage stamp and I give it to her, she “has” to pay me back for it. A whole 44 cents. She’ll give me 45 cents. She’ll force me to take it by hiding it on my desk, or dropping it into my purse. When I catch her doing this, I give her back one cent in change, and she tries not to take it, as if she is not entitled to it. I make her pay attention to this behavior. It comes from her childhood, and it is so difficult for her to believe that she is entitled to help, gifts, compliments, affection… anything. Just as she is, YOU are valid. YOU are entitled to have whatever you need to live and be happy. Remember: self love is NOT the same thing as selfishness.

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