Flipping a Switch

Focus is a funny thing. If maintained correctly it can be very effective. If not, it could lead to great losses and errors that could bring regret, pain or sometimes sorrow.

So focus is critical!!!


But what if your focus and mindset has to change minute to hour to day to  night. What if it has  to be divided between two very different focal points. How do you manage that.

In a polygamous marriage  the primary focus ( in my personal experience of course) is time. Time spent, time lost, time missed, time wanted, time fairness. But that is only from the perspective of the wives. They want their piece of pie. After all it is not even a whole pie but part there of and one really do not want to still lose of the fraction that already have to settle for.

But what about the husband, who has to bounce around like a ping-pong ball and is passed around like a cold cup of coffee by students on a really broke day.

His life is dictated by a schedule decided mostly by the wives whose primary consideration is how the schedule impacts on them in terms of being with the husband, being alone and/or  benefitting maximum from the time spent with the husband. For example; weekends become a biggie as it bring mornings of lying in with hubby and thus getting a bit more time and hoping that it would be quality time spent.

How much time is spent in considering how the whole schedule is set up and how it affects him. Does he get any quality time out of the interactions with his wives. Where does his needs feature. Or should he just settle with the idea that he is nothing but shared property of the wives passed around and borrowed out like that pair of stilettos communally owned by his wives.

Somehow, being one of these wives and loving this man deeply, these thoughts saddens me.

Simply because I know him. He loves sincerely. Those he loves, is loved because of who they are and what they mean to him. Not because of what he can get from them. Not because of what they can do for him, have to offer, or how he can benefit from them. But simply because he LOVES them. And more importantly his love is primarily motivated by making and keeping those he loves happy, content and smiling. And he would go to the end of the world to ensure that those he love are indeed happy, content and smiling.

But again the question arises; Where does HE get his happiness, contentment and smiles from? I see his struggles and I see the pain in his eyes. I see the hopelessness and desperation that is weighing him down. And worst of all I see his tears.

Quality of life does not exist for him. He has to flip and toggle  like switch between his wives. Switching on and off from one night to the next. Remembering who asked what. Who needs what. Who said what. Where he leaves his shoes. Where he goes to relax and how will it impact on whoever’s room is chosen for relaxation or is not chosen. being torn between seeing both wives in need of support and not knowing which way as there will always be someone left behind.



That seem to be the life of a polygamous husband. But can that really be called a life?

Polygamy is all about justice and fairness, but where is the justice and fairness for this wonderful man who loves and gives without asking anything in return.

So wives heed this…

Try to give your husband a life…

After all he deserves to have one!!!!!

4 thoughts on “Flipping a Switch

  1. You have presented some interesting questions. I often thought along this same line when we were having children. Every time I was pregnant with a new child I wondered if I would be able to meet the needs of the children I already had because of the new added one. We had several close together.

    The fact is that you still have the same amount of love from your husband. He doesn’t love you any less then he did before. But the reality is you do have less! Less time alone with him. There are only so many hours in a day and even in monogamous marriages – with the normal demands of jobs, children, and life in general, alone time between a husband and a wife is often not that much as it is. So I can only imagine what it must be like to split that precious, rare one on one time into half.

    With my family – the more children we had the less individual time we had for each child. That was the reality. So we just had to make the best of it and try to use our time wisely. We found the more children we had the pickier we had to be about how we spent our time and choices we made about our activities that we were involved in. Many things that we liked to do or some activities we wanted to be involved with – were deleted from our life. It was a choice we made. Time was a precious commodity and we had to prioritize how we spent it.

    I don’t pretend to know how a polygamous marriage would work nor do I really have any answers for you. I imagine though that in many ways it is just like the situation with our children – mostly trial and error in trying to work out the dynamics and meet everyone’s needs. And then more trial and error as the needs change – as they always do. Also a necessity is large doses of love and forgiveness. I think the math only works when we understand that we can really only concentrate on giving 100% of what we have to give at the time we are giving it. If we do that then we are doing the best we can. And if we aren’t giving 100% – well then we are just being human. lol

  2. Strange this post is totaly unrelated to what I was searching google for, but it was listed on the first page. I guess your doing something right if Google likes you enough to put you on the first page of a non related search.

Leave a Reply to sweetipie Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s