Almost 5 months

Its been almost five months now that life has changed dramatically. Five months that I have gone from being exclusive  to sharing my husband with my friend. In two weeks they would be celebrating their 5 month wedding anniversary.  Five months of ups and downs. Tears and laughter. Happiness and discontent. Regrets? Still none. Questions? Many.

Time and quality of time seem to be the biggest issue. Time spent. Time lost. Time alone. Time together.  Fair time. Equal time. Quality time. Valuable time.. Time, time, time.

So how can we resolve the time issue. Before my husband and I embarked on this journey of polygamy, time was of no consequence. Whatever we did not get to today. Whatever was not said, discussed or resolved today. Whatever was not fulfilled today. Is of no consequence today. For there is tomorrow, the next day, next month. We have a lifetime together still. And we still have all of those, but the spontaneity is gone. Because now there is a countdown. Four more days, three more days, two more days, one last night. And before you know it you are so wrapped up in counting days, that you forget to get value and quality out of the days you have.

Seven days together and seven days apart. But it became six and then sometimes five. So you have gone from thirty days together to a measly twelve or ten days spent with your husband. Quality has been diminished as quantity has declined. A life planned and scheduled. Timed and calculated.

But life is not planned and scheduled nor can it be timed or calculated. Life happens, when it happens ,how it happens. Without warning, consideration or permission.

There is no such thing as “This week I am alone so I will not allow any issues to come up or to be dealt with” or ” This week I’m alone so I will not allow sadness or loneliness to creep up on me. Next week I can feel and deal with all of those things, because he will be here to `catch me when I fall. To wipe my tears away. To hold my hand and sooth any pain or sadness away.”

But next week will only happen…

Next week.

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