Having entered into a plural marriage have evoked many and varied reactions and responses.
Some very negative, from parties who could not fathom my choice, to some expressing support as long as I am ok.
For many my asking my husband to marry a friend was either abnormal, crazy and desperate or maybe I was “coerced into what my husband wanted”. Maybe “they had an affair”! Maybe “I was scared they would have one and I would rather share him than not have him at all!” Better yet, “I am dying and is trying to ensure that those I love -i.e. my husband and children – have someone to take care of them when I’m gone.”
Then there were some who said they would have accepted it better if my friend had an affair with him and now decided to get married. And then of course, the only reason her well off family and community could come up with was, that I or we were after her money. So I concocted this elaborate scheme to get my hands on her thousands or maybe millions. Millions it had to be, for me to have changed my life so dramatically that I still sometimes have to remind myself of the status quo. Because this is not an easy journey and definitely not for the faint hearted. Nor is it something to take on unless you are absolutely certain and even then you cannot be prepared for the difficulty you could be presented with. And those in know will tell you , no amount of money, no matter how obscene, could be worth doing this for. Simply because your life changes so dramatically that you even forget how and what life use to be like before.
So dramatically, that you find discontentment to be a constant amidst the fact that you are indeed happier now than you have ever been. Discontentment largely attributed to the fact that balance and normality have not been achieved yet.
The natural instinct is to still revert to what was as it is what you were accustomed to and what you have established over years. Yet, you pull yourself back to what it is that you want. The Now!!! The now, that you want to become that which you yearn for and want to revert to. NOW!!!
And then you find the very few who not only are NOT shocked or appalled by our choices but are in admiration. Praising it as an act of piety and wishing you well on this special journey. Giving well wishes and sincere prayers for you to grow together and reminding you of the responsibility of what you have taken on as well as the benefit of our actions and praise you for being so bold and strong to do something that pleases God. Some have been brought to tears and was touched by your story and how you were brought to this place of making the decision we have made.
But society is not grown up enough for plural marriages. They are not brave enough and definitely not bold enough. There is a huge lack of faith and trust in The Creator. Trust to follow your heart and know that if your intentions are pure and sincere, God will lead the way and all you have to do is walk along the already paved path. Paved by a higher power. Realising that you have unknowingly been walking that paved way anyway and only now have become aware of the direction the journey was taking you in. You ask yourself, I have walked on trust and faith only. Without thinking. Why start taking things in my own hands? Why not just continue? So you do and you are judged, ostracised, criticized and slandered with unprecedented venom.
No one cares that you were motivated by a deep sense of love, both for the people involved as well as your Creator. No one bothers to get to know you to find out if it indeed was an act of benevolence as it is claimed to be. Stories are created, twisted, mangled and developed into a sinister plot of money-grabbing, deceit, sexual perversion and illicit affairs simply to entertain and have something to talk about.
No one cares that the people they are smearing in their campaign of lies, have feeling, and are nothing like what these viscious lies proclain at all. No one knows or cares of how challenging it is and how much hard and consistent work it is to keep all parties content. How adapting itself has become a chore and that often tears are shed not because of unhappiness, but because of frustration and discontent for not being able to find and maintain that place of comfort.
But the world is a cruel place and the people who inhabit it are vicious, heartless and cold. No one bothers to get to know you, except for a few. And the few who does, walks away smiling in awe and at ease. “It really seem like its working”
YES! You want to scream. It is working!!!!
So inside our home and inside our hearts we find comfort in the fact that we all love. We love deeply, we love sincerely; we love unequivocally, we love completely and without bounds. And all that love is nourished, maintained and nurtured not just by our love for each other but by a deeper love for Our Creator and in that knowledge lies our solace and peace. The prize we seek is far greater than any kind word or nicety any mortal being can send our way.
We seek the pleasure of God and there is where consolation lies.