On Monday I still spoke to you. You told me about your dreams, your ambitions and aspirations. You dreamed big and had faith. Faith in yourself, your family, your peers, in me and your creator. You had such high hopes for a future. A future filled with sparkle and promise.
But all your dreams, aspirations and ambitions where not to be. A promise never to be fulfilled. Never to be fully planned, executed and enjoyed. In a flash of anger and violence everything stopped…
A young life ended. Senselessly,
With no regard for the dreams, aspirations and ambitions pending. Waiting anxiously and excitedly to be fulfilled and realised.
So now all that is left is a smiling face etched forever in our memories and burnt with ink on lifeless paper photos. These have now replaced the treasure you were.
A treasure that will be nurtured and treasured in our heart and minds for years to come. So you will stay. Unchanged. Never wrinkled. Never grey. Never old. Eternally youthful you remain in our hearts and minds.
Smiling and youthful forever.
Rest in peace smiling Michael. You were not for this world. Angels belong in heaven. You are home now…
Being in a state of contentment and happiness all at the same time is a joyous, comforting and satisfying experience. And getting to that state can sometimes be a hard and strenuous battle strewn with thorns of disappointment and pain.
And because of the discomfort experienced by being discontent you cling onto your current state of bliss with a desperate urgency.
But how does one extend this blissful state of being to last beyond the here and now. Beyond tomorrow and the next day. To become a regular and permanent resident in your life. Not just an occasional visitor passing through your life briefly, leaving only memories and feelings of longing and wanton.
What is the best and most effective strategy to get a visitor to become a resident?
Do you remind yourself of what delivered you to that space of contentment; what made you sigh deeply with that lingering feeling of bliss, what made you smile or giggle sweetly to yourself?
Do you hold on for dear life to those memories in an attempt to fight of the resident demons to not re-surface and rush back feelings of pain, sadness, discontent and discomfort.
But all these measures are simply too short term to have any lasting effect. All you gain from them are short bursts of illusioned moments of internal calm and peace. Brief and fleeting flashes of the very comfort and contentment you so urgently and desperately crave. Getting you back to the question…
How do get these good feelings to go from fleeting to permanent; from visitor to resident?
After long deliberation with myself and serious reflection on my current state, my past dealings with discomfort and my desired place of feeling I am attempting to reach, I have decided to try my hand and heart at a new modus operandi.
Making new memories and only focussing on the current blissful state I find myself in will be the new means at attaining, maintaining and prolonging the current blissfull state I find myself in. Counting every day I find contentment and joy to add to my constant and prevailing state me happiness. Coz happiness I have achieved many moons ago and maintaining it has become effortless and it has been a static resident for a long time .
So now to get contentment to become a permanent tennent joining my family of good feelings. Mission contentment is a a go…
When you love someone you sacrifice for them. You give of your possessions, time, energy and even yourself. You put their needs before your own even when your need is strong and primal. You accept when that person cannot be available at your every call. Cannot be there when convenient to you. You hide your desires and silent requests. You lie convincingly to not let on that a void has been left because what you expected did not realise.
But I know you do the best you can just like you always did. Never taking for yourself. Never giving to yourself.
And sometimes, just sometimes, just to regroup and recoupe , you would slack just a little. But never enough to completely let go of me.
Yet more is wanted. More time.
More. More. More
Actions scream louder than than any words ever could .
I dont want for me. Not more time or more consideration. I want those for you. You are making the greatest sacrifice. Sacrificing time, space, choice and feelings. You had to give yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Simply because I asked you too.
So the question one really find yourself asking is…
‘Who really is the selfless one?’